I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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