Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
