But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
