nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
