I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
