Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
