I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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