Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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