My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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