I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
