I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
