: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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