In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
