actually, I'm a sock model
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
