Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
