i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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