i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
