Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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