i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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