So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This baby is an asshole
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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