I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
