...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
