just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there is glitter all over my balls
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