We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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