I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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