Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
