what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
