before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
