Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
