Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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