i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
COCAINE IS GR8
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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