he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
