Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
