the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
