I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
