Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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