So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
