Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bring me that man meat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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