I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
