Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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