oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
