i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
