Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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