Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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