just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
