I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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