Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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