My first STD was from a foam party
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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