I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
