I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
