So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
