this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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