just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
