you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
